Here another long Instagram post from AKB48’s Ma Chia-Ling, brought to my attention on the S48 forums, and it piqued my interest so I decided to do a quick translation. I wish I had time for more proofreading, but this post is late enough as-is.
Ok, I’m not going to gush over Macharin again here like in the other Instagram post I translated. However, I will say there’s an interesting feeling translating her writing. It’d be fun to think there’s some special shared sympathies in play, but more likely it’s some combination of her using fairly straightforward grammar and vocabulary, and an Instagram formatting that I guess favors breaking things up into nice short, easily parse-able statements.
Well, turns out I’m pretty late on this one (well, exactly a day late to make any difference), but I think I’ll have good news to follow-up with soon. 😊
macyacyarin 🍵 . Last night I learned a certain something and remembered various things and had a very hard time sleeping that night . . . Around when I was in middle school, I started following AKB48 and my dream of wanting to stand on stage formed However, at that time I didn't have a real reason to want to become an idol or an entertainer it's just I simply loved AKB48 and I wanted to join this group However for me because I couldn't come to Japan to take the audition I thought this dream would end as it was, a dream . . After I became a high schooler once again I thought deeply about my dreams that I wanted to do a play in Japan, and to have a job related to fashion I was seriously thinking I wanted to advance down that path, though I was opposed by my parents this dream remained in my heart after becoming a college student I decided that I was going to go and chase after it . I decided that, but in the fall of 2013, as a 16-year-old, I had by chance learned that the GirlsAward was recruiting models in Taiwan So there was this chance to be able to appear in one of the top fashion shows in Japan The thrilling feeling pained my heart Even now I recall that clearly . However I heard, "I don't think someone like me could do it" voiced from my own heart many times . I'm not tall I don't have great style and most of all, I hated my own face therefore I didn't sign up for the audition yet but was crying all the time Every time I saw myself in the mirror I thought, "Why does this completely hopeless person want to be a model? I really am shameless, it's unbecoming!" There were even times I couldn't stand in front of a mirror . . But at that time There were two people that sustained my spirit . First was my older sister Resigned to being made fun of, I told her about the audition in an email and she really encouraged me "If that's your dream, you should be brave and chase after it" That's what she told me, and it gave me courage . The second person isn't a relative, but a model I admire — Sasaki Nozomi When I had those worries, by chance I saw Sasaki's cosmetics poster ad that smile... just so beautiful and radiant a confident smile, sparkling like a diamond it was only that one poster, but my tears wouldn't stop A confident smile like that is so nice The thing I lacked the most was "confidence" And I want to be able to display such a confident smile Thinking I would turn and going towards my dream I decided to participate in the audition . . However, next there is the family issue Gathering my courage, when I told my parents I had a terrible fight like never before Again, I felt the importance of my family's support In the end thinking, "Since this kid can never be a model, you'll give up this dream by getting hurt through failure", they let me go to the audition . . The first time in my life wearing heels The first time wearing makeup The first time I rode a bus alone to Taipei Rather than "freshness", the feeling I was most full of was "unease" . And during the lesson was the first time I cared about how it looked when I walked I studied my own facial expressions and received my first makeup lessons the fist time I went to a studio for photography For me The feeling of wanting to be a model steadily grew stronger . No matter what I want to stand on that stage at GirlsAward . . But, in the final examination I panicked . I realized I was definitely going to fail and when it was announced again my tears wouldn't stop . It was feeling like a hole had opened in my heart . . . However I had gotten a little closer to my dreams and I didn't want to give up there So after that I applied for various auditions Time and again I failed, but every time I matured Little by little, it added up I was able to gain a lot of experience and for sure it's because I had this experience that I believe I was able to pass the AKB48 audition . Therefore, supposing "If I hadn't taken the GirlsAward model audition six years ago, I wouldn't be here now" I don't think that's an overstatement . . A twice-a-year event 11 times since then Every time, every round, I carefully check the details of the event Someday Someday I want to participate I've been thinking that for a a long time now . Even after 6 years Even though right now I'm doing activities in a group I love The hole in my heart from that event It's still empty I feel that I want to stand on that stage and over the course of time that hasn't diminished even one millimeter . . Yesterday, I learned a certain something In AKB48 Beat Carnival's new event, the top 5 ranked members will be able to appear at "GirlsAward 2019 AUTUMN/WINTER" For me, this is not just a new opportunity but a long-time dream . . Really thank you so much for reading this long letter all the way to the end It took a lot of courage to reveal my heartfelt desire, but if you don't loudly cry out your dreams nobody is going to go along with you I tried to say it loudly The event is for 10 days starting August 9th This event is an unusual battle for me I think it's going to be very difficult, but 6 years ago that dream I wanted fulfilled didn't come true So this time for sure I want to make it happen Once again, please help support my dream
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